Old Dogs and New Tricks

Eighteen years.
And I can't remember
even half of it. But of
what I can remember,
this is the most trying,
but the most amazing
that I have ever faced.
I'm too busy. And I'm
too stressed. I'm always
tired, and I eat worse
than I ever have. I'm
breaking out because
of how much strain I
put on my body, but
somehow I'm still
happier than I've
been in a very long
time.

I read through old
blogs today. It seems
as though all of that
begging that I did
for an adequate love;
for a feeling that came
back at me; for a man
who knows what he
wants and knows what
he really deserves and
knows the same for me.
I've found him.
I'm never going to let go.
Because to do that would
be the greatest mistake
I could ever make, and I'm
through with making mistakes.
I'm through with accepting a
lack of happiness. And he can
help me with that. He wants to.
And that's the best feeling in the
world.

And then there are the ones
that I have ranted about in the
past in this blog. And they still
dip their toes in that old game
that they used to play, but I'm
smarter than that now. I recognize.
I evaluate. And I tease. I do.
I'm like a worm. I put myself
onto the hook and lower myself
into the water. And as soon as
those hungry bastards come
swimming around, I punch them
in the nose. And it's revenge in a
way. I love it, because I'm the
one with the power. I'm the one
that's completely out of reach.
I'm happy.
I'm never letting this go.
And no matter how many times
you try your old tricks, and flash
your old grin, I'm not going to
budge. And the knowledge of that
makes me feel invincible.

I'm not going anywhere.
I'm here.
Always and Forever.